Kindergarten Buddy

Kindergarten Class photo 1962

Two people are better off than one, for they can 

help each other succeed. If one person falls, 

the other can reach out and help. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NLT)

"Claire."
"Claire Alameda." The nurse called out my name. I'd been sitting in the Emergency Room lobby for well over two hours. "Your friend wants to see you," she said. I followed her into the ER patient area. Instantly my senses were assaulted. The lights were blindingly bright. The sounds of whooshing and dinging medical machinery rang in my ears. The unmistakable smell of antiseptic accompanied me down the hospital hallway.  I felt a shiver as I entered the chilly examination room. Just then, Hazel, my friend, was being wheeled away on the gurney for a cat scan. I sat. I waited. I remembered.

"Class, find a buddy," instructed our stately kindergarten teacher. I don't recall the exact moment Hazel became my buddy. I just know that she always was.  We grew up in the same southern California neighborhood and went to the same schools. Her house was directly behind mine. A red block wall separated our backyards. Every day we walked to the junior high school and back. We would part on the corner of my street only to race through our houses, meet at the back wall and finish our fascinating conversation.  In high school, we were inseparable. People often asked if we were sisters even though Hazel is blond with fair skin and bright blue eyes and I'm a brown-eyed girl with brown hair and skin. We thought it was funny. Our birthdays are four days apart and I'm the oldest. Family circumstances took me away to Arizona where I graduated from high school and made my home. Hazel eventually moved and raised her family in the Pacific Northwest. We both met Jesus in different stages of life. My Kindergarten buddy became my Barnabas.

Barnabas is introduced in the New Testament book of Acts. He was a Christ follower named Joseph by birth, who was also called Barnabas which means Son of Encouragement (Acts 4:36). Barnabas became the Apostle Paul's co-worker (Acts 12:25). Barnabas was Paul's traveling companion accompanying him on his first missionary journey (Acts13:1). Like Paul, Barnabas became a preacher and teacher declaring Jesus and urging people to continue in the grace of God (Acts 13:42). The scripture records a disagreement between the two missionaries and later, the restoration of their relationship (Acts 15:39, Gal.2:1).  Paul and Barnabas were friends and peers in their common mission. Their experiences were similar as they worked side by side and shared life together.

Having a friend and peer to walk beside you is as valuable as having a mentor who walks before you. (You can learn more about mentoring through "The 5 Attributes of a Mentor") (The 5 Attributes of a Mentor) According to Dictionary.com, a peer is a person who is equal to another in abilities, qualifications, age, background and social status. She is a friend who is in a similar season and stage of life. She relates to where you are because she is going through comparable experiences. She perceives what you need. She discerns your struggles. She cheers your successes. She is there, always. A Barnabas is a Christian friend and peer whose shared faith is central to your relationship. She is distinguished by her desire for your walk with Jesus to be preeminent. She is a committed encourager and influencer for your good. She listens with intent to pray. She advises in the light and truth of God's Word. She supports you fiercely but stands on the side of righteousness. She rolls up her sleeves in strength when you are weak. She helps with the practical. She sheds tears when you cry. She laughs at your "silly". She forgives easily. She loves graciously. A Barnabas is an always friend.

60th Birthday photo 2017

Three years ago, Hazel moved to my town, the Old Pueblo, Tucson, Arizona. Together again, we have walked through our nests becoming empty as children leave home, marry and make their own lives. We have grieved the passing of beloved parents. We have celebrated our 60th year. We have encouraged one another in this new season and stage of life. In a few short weeks, my Barnabas and always friend will be returning to our homeland, California, to be closer to her family. I'll miss her proximity but want God's will and His best for my friend. And though I am sad to see her move I know that neither time nor miles will separate our hearts sustained in the unity of Christ.







From My Heart: Who is your Barnabas?  Who do you encourage in their walk with Jesus?  Take a moment and give thanks for your friend. Take it a step farther by sending her a note of appreciation and encouragement. You will make her day. Share a favorite story about your Barnabas and always friend in the comments below.

The 5 Attributes of a Mentor

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

“Hello?” I paused.

“Is this Cynthia?”, I asked while listening to myself speak. Was that nervous voice mine?

“Yes, it is.”, the woman on the other end of the phone pleasantly replied.

“Hi.” I paused and stammered. “Um, well, uh, this is Claire Alameda. You probably don’t remember me but we met....”

“Oh, Claire, of course, I remember you hon.”, she said reassuringly. 

She went on to remind me where and when we met. She told me, “yes, we would love to meet with you and Mike.”

“How about, you all come over for dinner this Saturday night?”, she asked with a touch of Texas in her voice. 

Mike, my husband, and I were considering a major life change. We were both young professionals pursuing our careers. However, we increasingly felt called to leave our jobs and enter into ministry. A pastor at our home church suggested we meet and get advice from other couples who had done the same.

Mike and I respected this couple in particular at church. I admired the way the wife conducted herself. There was something about her that attracted me. She seemed kind and thoughtful. She appeared quiet but friendly. She taught for the women’s ministry and was an excellent communicator of scriptural principles. She shared without coming across like she “had it all together." I wondered how she came to know the Bible so well. I longed to understand how she balanced being a wife and mother and still had time to study and work and be a friend. I wished I could learn from her. I wanted to be like her. I didn’t realize it then, but I was looking for a mentor. 

What is a Mentor? 

According to dictionary.com, a mentor is:
    1. A wise and trusted counselor or teacher.
    2. An influential senior sponsor or supporter. 

There are intention and purpose in the mentoring relationship. We often think about formal mentoring relationships in the context of the workplace. A seasoned employee is matched with a less experienced one and coached to advance his or her knowledge base and skill set. However, the need for mentoring is not exclusive to industry, government, education or business. Wise counsel and support are helpful in all aspects of life. The newlyweds, to the parents in the thick of child-rearing, to the seekers looking for God, share the need for someone to come alongside and walk with them through the daily challenges of life.

What makes a Mentor?  

In my experience, there are 5 attributes effective mentors have in common that lead to fulfilling mentoring relationships. 

1. Authenticity: Be Real. A mentor's personal character is revealed by the heart attitudes she displays. Being real and transparent in relationship garners trust. A mentor who is authentic frees others to be themselves and forgo the need to please or to perform or be perfect.
2. Availability: Give Time. Mentors consider the time dedicated to building the life of another a worthy investment. A mentor is flexible with their schedule and leaves room for unexpected needs. She is prepared for the impromptu text, phone call or unplanned meeting. An attentive mentor makes time to be available.
3. Affirmation: Speak Truth. A mentor affirms the heart seeking counsel. Her role is to listen and ask questions. She provides insight and helps to process. She sees into circumstance and situations and offers wisdom. The mentor guides by speaking truth and assists in the discovery of what is true.
4. Affectionate: Show Love. A mentor who demonstrates others centered love opens hearts. Remembering birthdays, significant anniversaries, and holidays is special. She sends a note, exchanges small gifts. She connects on social media. She meets at the local coffee shop or shares a meal. A mentor shows love by creating mutual bonds friendship. 
5. All In: Remain Faithful. A mentor who remains faithful to sacrificially give herself away for the benefit of another is all in. Staying the course for the duration of the season of mentoring is being all in. Engaging fully when it isn't convenient is being all in. A mentor who celebrates victories and weeps for another's broken heart is all in.  

What Marks the Christian Mentor?

The apostle Paul encouraged the believers in the church of Corinth to “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ”. (1 Corinthians 11:1)  Paul was not boasting. Throughout the New Testament, the Apostle acknowledges his weaknesses and afflictions. He confesses his need for grace. In essence, he was saying to the Corinthian Christians follow me as I follow Christ. Let us follow together. His confidence was in the Gospel. Paul's transformational encounter with Jesus marked His life. (Act 9:1-19) It was the same mark of Jesus that attracted my spirit to the woman from my church.  

It's been nearly to 26 years since I made the phone call to Cynthia. Our conversation began a mentoring relationship that would mark my heart and impact the course of my ministry. Her life in Christ continues to inspire mine as we follow Him together in faith.  

From My Heart: I'd love to hear your story. Who is the mentor in your life? Are you looking for a mentor? Are you mentoring women around your table? 

Welcome to My Blog

My Grandmother's Dishes

My Grandmother's Table

When I was a little girl one of my favorite places to be was at my Grandmother’s table. It wasn't particularly large or especially beautiful. There were 6, sometimes 8 chairs surrounding it. A brightly colored, flower embroidered cloth covered the wood beneath. When the tablecloth needed a wash a vibrantly striped sarape would cover it instead. 

The adults would gather there to sit and visit and eat.  The fragrant aromas of frijoles, (beans) fresh chili and warm tortillas wafted from the table top. My elders told the history of our family. I remember laughing at all their funny stories. I learned to respect their years.  
One afternoon, when I was approaching my 10th summer, my grandmother called me into the dining room. She told me we were going to have a “coffecito”. “Just the two of us”, she said. I was invited to sit with her at the table.  She had prepared two coffee cups, a petite pitcher of milk and a sugar bowl. There was a small platter of pan dulces (Mexican sweet bread) and another of Mexican candies. I could smell the strong coffee as she brought the pot to the table. She poured a little of the steaming black liquid into my cup and filled the rest with white milk. She allowed me to add the sugar. With the tiny spoon she gave me, I stirred and stirred until the hot mixture cooled into a creamy caramel color. I waited for permission to taste. Delicious!  

I grew to look forward to the special times we spent together.  As I matured beyond the sweet treats I began to appreciate that I was given an extraordinary gift.  At my grandmother’s table, I belonged.  I was accepted.  I was heard.  There was the engaging conversation. Truth with was spoken into my life. I was challenged to question and to think.  Good humor with correction was sometimes necessary. Wisdom, grounded in faith, was shared. There, was love. Always love. Little did I know at the time that I was being introduced to a cultural ritual passed down from one generation to another and inducted into the fellowship of women.

I have kept the tradition of sitting and eating and sharing with women around my table. I have been privileged to minister to women for over 27 years. Since 1994 I have served as the director of the Women of Heart ministry for Corazón Ministries. As I am now entering my 61st summer, I feel a conviction to tell the stories born out of a living faith in Jesus Christ that has spanned more than 4 decades. Titus 2:3-5 instructs the older women to encourage the younger women as they traverse the seasons and stages of life.  This blog, From My heart, will be my place, my table if you will, to share and encourage.  My desire, should you choose to visit and follow, is that your heart is expressed. I want to be real as we share wisdom and we get to know one another. I hope you will feel accepted and experience a sense of belonging here. Mostly, I pray that with a bit of humor and truth saying a loving sisterhood will flourish. 

Welcome to my blog: From my heart.  Pull up your imaginary chair to my table and let's share a cup of friendship.

Mother’s Day Reflection

Another Mother’s Day has come and gone. I enjoy seeing the FaceBook and Instagram posts of friends sharing in family festivities. I love seeing all the smiles. I can almost smell the adorning bouquets of spring flowers. Kids surrounding Mothers and Grandmothers with hugs and homemade signs and handcrafted gifts. Holiday scenes reminiscent of a Hallmark movie. A sweet simple story crafted with a delightful, most always, predictable, happy ending. Who doesn’t like the occasional feel-good Hallmark movie? I certainly do.
Mother’s Day can be more complicated for some. Images gather in the mind's eye. A picture of a woman. A flashback to a moment. A memory of a private place where only you and she dwell. Recollections that can cause grief or pain. Sadness grips the heart of the one whose mother has passed from this life. Resentment fills the heart of the one who has experienced mom's rejection. Hurts flood the heart of the one neglected by maternal abandonment. Wounds wander through the heart of the one damaged by abuse. The comparisons and questions inevitably come. “What if”, or “I wish”, or ‘If only”, clutters the mind of the one who is in need of a healing in the Mother-Child relationship status.

Longings surface. At least they did for me. For a time, the very word “Mother” tangled my heart. The loss of what “should have been” plagued me. I had resolved to forgive. I had determined to accept. I had committed to the work of restoration. I had hope for reconciliation. Yet there was an empty place in need of a mother’s touch on my heart. In those years, yearning marked the day set aside for prescribed happiness.

It was in this state of longing that I happened to attend a Christian women’s conference. The speaker was sharing her childhood experiences. Though our circumstances were different I could relate. I recognized the wanting. She directed us to Mark 3:31-35. Jesus is at the beginning of his ministry speaking to a crowd near his hometown. There were rumors. Had he “lost his senses”? His mother Mary and his brothers sent word for him to come out. Hearing this, Jesus responds with a poignant question; Who are my mother and my brothers? He answers,“Anyone who does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother”. In an instant I found clarity. At once, I understood. There were mothers all around me in the family of God.

Longings surface. At least they did for me. For a time, the very word “Mother” tangled my heart. The loss of what “should have been” plagued me. I had resolved to forgive. I had determined to accept. I had committed to the work of restoration. I had hope for reconciliation. Yet there was an empty place in need of a mother’s touch on my heart. In those years, yearning marked the day set aside for prescribed happiness.

It was in this state of longing that I happened to attend a Christian women’s conference. The speaker was sharing her childhood experiences. Though our circumstances were different I could relate. I recognized the wanting. She directed us to Mark 3:31-35. Jesus is at the beginning of his ministry speaking to a crowd near his hometown. There were rumors. Had he “lost his senses”? His mother Mary and his brothers sent word for him to come out. Hearing this, Jesus responds with a poignant question; Who are my mother and my brothers? He answers,“Anyone who does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother”. In an instant I found clarity. At once, I understood. There were mothers all around me in the family of God.

Decades have passed since that profound realization freed my heart. On Mother’s day, I remember the special God-honoring women who willingly invested in my life. These faithful servants listened, cared and spoke truth into my wounds. Each one helped my heart to heal. Beautiful women who taught me to recall the one woman, my mother, who resides in the recesses of my mind, through the eyes of grace.

Birthday Reflections

On this, my 61st birthday, I am more than thankful for another candle on my imaginary cake.  And while I don’t enjoy the attention or share much personally on social media, today, I feel compelled to give PRAISE to the Lord who is the giver and sustainer of life.  Last year at this time, I was recovering from a cardio angiogram and wearing a “Life Vest” aka, an external defibrillator.  While I learned that I did not have any arterial blockages to my heart, I was diagnosed with heart disease called VT (ventricular tachycardia).  

The summer became all about my heart.  Suddenly everything changed for me, my family and my ministry. It was s-t-r-e-s-s-f-u-l and s-c-a-r-y every time the alarm on my life vest sounded.  I was weak. I was tired.  I was sad.  I had been so looking forward to turning 60!  After decades of chronic autoimmune illnesses and overcoming a number of close calls through the years, to be 60 was a milestone I wanted to celebrate.  I canceled my party.  I became acutely aware of every heartbeat.

I had convinced myself that 60 was going to be my year. I had plans.  I would transition into my “golden” years with style and a zest for all that was ahead!  I would do all “those things” that the busyness and urgency of life had prevented me from doing until 60. I would carve out time. I would be more intentional. I would drop those extra pounds (again).  I would get in better shape.  I would enjoy this stage of my life even with my existing limitation. 

Proverbs 16:9 says, “The mind of man plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.”  And so He did mine.  I spent much of my time last summer, sitting in my backyard. I saw the mountains framed by the bright blue sky.  I witnessed the monsoon rain cleanse the desert. I enjoyed the freshly planted grass while watching the hummingbirds and butterflies grace my garden.  I spent time with precious friends who sat with me for hours because I could not be alone.  I had delicious meals made by loving hands.  I experienced the compassion of my adult children who cared for me and drove me wherever I need to go.  I was again reminded why I married my beloved husband, who never flinched in his commitment to love me even after years of doctors and hospital visit and more medical bills.  

In creation and kindness, I saw God all around me.  I began to feel restored in my spirit. I felt joy again.  He, Himself, was my portion.  His presence was enough.  It is enough.  I now have a heart monitor implanted in my chest.  When I am awake at 2:00 a.m. I see the bright light on the machine next to my bedside go off when it transmits my heartbeats to the cardiologist's office.  My good doctor reminds me not to be afraid because he is watching.  I appreciate his care but I know who has numbered my days.

So today, the first of my 61st year, I have only one plan: to Follow the One who holds my heart full of praise in His hands.  It is a Happy Birthday.